Where it all began....

So I guess to understand how I got this point of being over 280 pounds we have to go back to my childhood.

I grew up in small beach town, and from birth I had weight problems. I was definitely overweight, but not to an extreme. I really didn't have a whole lot of problems with being picked on or taunted at. Sure there were those few occasions when some noob entered the school and might not have known who they were dealing with, but this was rare. I had a good personality, I was sweet, smart, and I would later find out that I was also athletic. So making friends wasn't too hard for me.
By the time I was in the 6th grade I had shed all of my baby fat thanks to 4 years of soccer and basketball, which I joined in the second grade. Throughout middle school I was still trying to find my feminine self, hidden behind the tomboy that was begging to stay. So I really didn't have much of a fashion sense and I don't feel that I really showed off my body like I wanted to.

When I was 13 I was given my first computer and my first access to the World Wide Web and all its wonders. I was so happy to be able to get away from the family problems that were boiling in my house, and be able to find solace in new and interesting people I was meeting online. During my first year of my internet obsession I met a man that was 14 years my senior, and I was soon sucked into his world and he had me wrapped around his pinkie. A year went by of our constant chatter back and forth and I was falling deep into what I naively thought was love. By the end of Freshman year, I agreed to meet him. The first encounter had it's weird and uncomfortable moments, but I let it slide. On the second encounter was when he convinced me it was time to "give it up". And what happened with him that night is why Dateline made their show "To Catch a Predator" He raped me and I didn't even realize it, or I guess I didn't want to realize it.He assured me that the bruises,the pain,and not being able to walk normally was all the norm of making love, and I was all to eager to believe him so I wouldn't feel so bad inside.

Long story short..after I confided in my friend about what had happened with him. She rated him out, we went to court, he went to jail and my family was torn apart. After that I went into a downward spiral, of alcohol, fighting,sex, and attempted suicide. I just couldn't handle what had happened. There were a few other instances with men treating me wrong that finally prompted me that if they bugged me when I had a nice body and face then maybe they would all leave me alone if I was fat and unattractive. So that is exactly what I did. I ate and ate and ate some more. I met my boyfriend of 5 years when I was 17 and saw that as a great opportunity to keep gaining because he loved me unconditionally. Now fast forward to me now at 22 and 140 pounds more then what I was when I was a teen, and I am completely miserable. Something that I thought would help and make me feel good, did not have a lasting affect.

So now it's time to make a serious change in my life and try to let go of the past and let myself be happy again and stop with the self inflicting pain. I am ready to live my life again. I am tired of being self conscious and paranoid that everyone is staring at me because of my size. I just want to be a normal young woman in her 20's. So lets start....